My inspiration

I'm 21. I'm not rich, people haven't started paying me for my taste of crazy yet.
I imagine it will be a while before they do, but I need to at least define what my crazy is.

My crazy is my experience with the human condition. Murder and betrayal. The love hasn't been experienced in a dose which matches in intensity. So, I'm 21. I am what I am.

My crazy could bear to see certain things happen that most people couldn't. I understand revenge, but I don't condone it. Revenge consumes the soul, and it has consumed me. I work to be free of my vengeful thoughts, but they're constant. I can only learn to accept them, as I must accept my mothers murder.

I don't understand many things. I can't find the bright side very easily.
I understand growth. I understand evolution and the cold, calculated process it uses.

The man who brought murder into my life wasn't the world we're taught in public school. It wasn't the world all these freshmen I'm supposed to be friends with live in.

It was the real world. And the real world is not built on love and generosity. These are tiny pockets scattered around the globe that sometimes get together to do great things.

The things accomplished in history by love are absolutely minute compared to what fear, and greed can accomplish. These solitary forces have more effect on the world.
I might be wrong, but so far this model stands up. I feel like I'm the only one who understands this model, and that scares me. I see 99% of the world as people who could never reconcile with this idea, 0.9% as crazy misfits who don't contribute and 0.1% are the movers and shakers.

I want nothing more than to use this rationale, this model I believe in to help me in the future, but so far... I worry I'm wrong.

I'm not saying I want to live a life of greed and fear. And being aware of these on the scale I've witnessed isn't easy. The line is very hard to see.

I see a populated galaxy in my life time.
I understand the relentless nature of evolution. Evolution is passion, and you're a fool if you think that passion won't kill you where you stand.

This is how I understand technological growth. This is what my gift is. This is all I have to offer and today I pledge to stop worrying it isn't enough and realize it's more gift than any human born before me.